Tonight.
It felt good to be asked for Oms.
First Om...
Raw. Held. Supported. Touched.
The sensation? Annoying. It was too much... the wrong spot...
"You are too close to the vehicle"
It feels better when someone is just a bit farther from my clit.
Just a bit higher.
I didnt say anything?
Why?
Is this my "I dont ask for what I really want" issue or is it "I am trying to surrender to what is."
Probably the former. I dont know if it is OKAY to ask someone to move further from my clit.
Does the fact that it is annoying or too direct represent a blockage that I need to work through?
I think everything through too much.

Second Om
Mmmmm...
SOme of that annoying, but also some of these amazing downstrokes... almost not moving, just being there with my clit.
I almost rode over the edge... so close... so so so close and yet, enjoying the ride...
C next to me moaning her wild woman moans, I surrendered, letting my own noise, air, truth, flow out of my body.

I flew the rest of the night.

I finished the Orgasmic Body course today.
My first om was immensily scary.
Taking my pants of is so weighted for me, but what a beautiful thing. No judgement, just love, acceptance, warmth. The three women laid in oming position with their strokers and the teachers helped. My partner, a gay man was supposed to observe my pussy and look at it. It was strange at first, but N was there which felt warm and loving. She just had this beautiful smile on her face as she was describing what seemed to be so wonderous to her. She held my hands a little bit and I felt very held and almost seen in a way I had never been seen before.
The stroking started and all I wanted was my partner to stroke me the way I do when I am masturbating. I wanted to get off. I wanted it to work in the precise way I needed it to for me to have my orgasm. I let go of that. There were moments where the sensation felt familiar and deep and leading towards a peak, and others where it was more of an annoying rubbing feeling. I couldnt particularly distinguish upstrokes from down strokes. It felt good. I Found myself listening to those around me. One of the women over in the corner was instantly grunting, almost as if in touch with her deep heart throb... the woman on my right was releasing huge large wide moans... almost of years of pent up suffering, at one point she sobbed and I felt like my heart was releasing something through her.
I found myself mostly silent.
Time to switch.
My second om was with the man I wanted to om with. He felt very good. I tried to do some directing in the begining but realized it wasnt actually helping me at all and let go. Om was helping him out a little but and I found Christina smiling and looking at my pussy. I kept hearing "breathe" from the teachers, but I was in another world... not a disconnected world, but a completely different body state...
I shifted into some kind of ecstatice state. I lost myself in layers of sky and universe and wraping in and around myself. Christing grasped my hands and I started realizing where I was and how deep this om took me. I felt her there, loving me, holding me and there are so many beautiful things in it. When we finished, I had a hard time coming back to earth. I couldnt stop laughing in a very fluttery way. It felt transcendent. Christina sat on one side of me and my partner on the other. Christina held me and shared a frame and thanked me for sharing my orgasm with her. She was there with me. My partner held me and helped bring me back down.
At one point Rachael said she would stroke me this week if I wanted and I think I do want her to. I feel asthough I would be able to have more emotional release with her... more of a cathartic, trauma releasing experience. I am going to try to take her up on it..
Ive also been asked for Oms by several others.
Im diving in head first. We will see what is here for me...
Release....
Being Held..
Loved...
Beauty...
Openness...
Yes